Baseball season is chugging towards its climax, the World Series, with the teams not set in stone. Sadly, my fave, the New York Mets, went down in the League Championship Series. But they lost to the Dodgers, my dad’s team, so it isn’t all bad. Plus, the Mets’ loss spared the larger world another Subway Series. Even we New York partisans know how unpleasant that can be for everyone else.

With the World Series looming, there’s only one thing to do. Celebrate the Mets having some success? Praising the two teams facing off? Wax philosophically about baseball and life? No, no, and who do I look like, George Will?

No, we’re going to get into what really matters. Baseball caps!

Specifically, we’re gonna talk about and critique the Hartford Yard Goats and their alternate identities.

For those not in the know, one thing a lot of Minor League teams do to drum up excitement and, let’s be honest, move more merch, is play under different names during the year. For a relatively new team like the Yard Goats, these nicknames were often considered but not chosen. There are also alt-ids about popular food items from the region, ones that honor local heroes or customs, and, finally, ones chosen as community outreach. Now that you know what I’m on about, let’s dive in!

Hartford Yard Goats

We start here because it only makes sense. The “main” look, if you will. It’s fun. When the team was first moving to Hartford, I liked a lot of the choices for nicknames. To be honest, though, Yard Goats did not make the top of my personal ballot. Nonetheless, I think it is a fun one. I love the double meaning, which gives us the fun animal mascot while still referencing something about the city.

As for the goat logo, it’s strong. Recognizably goat-ish while still being lovable, it is also a visual pun. You see, the goat is gripping a baseball bat between its teeth. That’s a reminder of the sport, of course. But you can also see the bat has teeth marks because goats eat everything. The marketing leaned into that theme early on, birthing one of the greatest jingles of the modern era, “Eat It Up.” It is, thankfully, not just a remix of the seminal KISS text, “Lick It Up.”

The color scheme is where the hat really lands the plane. The blue and green are better known around these parts as Whalers colors. The Mighty Whale was ripped from the Constitution State about a week before my sixteenth birthday. More than 27 years later (yes, I’m old. Screw you, “pal.”) Gen X and elder Millennials (and more than a few Boomers) remain distinctly unwell about the whole thing. So, the Yard Goats were wise to make use of those colors. It doesn’t heal the wound, but it is a sop.

So good work, team. This is a strong foundational identity.

Sadly, not the GOAT, just the Goat. Get it? (Tim Stevens)

Hartford Yard Goats Superhero Edition

Hey, we’re speechless too, buddy. (Marvel)

Back in 2022, Minor League Baseball and Marvel entered into a deal called “Marvel’s Defenders of the Diamond.” In it, ball teams would host Marvel-themed nights, Marvel would print special promotional comics, and such.

Elsinore Lake Storm is going through changes. (MiLB)

It all culminated this past season with 96 teams playing in Marvel-designed hats and uniforms. The teams also offered an array of merchandise featuring the new logos and mascots.

This should be very much my thing. You already know I’m a Yard Goats fan. And I’m also a big superhero guy who used to freelance (for over a decade!) for Marvel including writing pieces about other brand deals like the one that gave the world Captain Citrus, that powerful mascot of Florida’s Orange industry. How much more up my alley could this be?

Unfortunately, the result is mostly a shrug. It’s basically just the Goat with a cape. I’m not sure what I wanted, but something a bit more complex would’ve been nice. Look at the Elsinore Lake Storm. That’s awesome! Totally reads comic book hero in a way that builds off the logo while creating something distinctly different.

Of course, it also could’ve been worse. The Yard Goats could’ve ended up like the St. Paul Saints and got…a slightly better insignia?

I’m sorry, St. Paul fans, your usual is a wild mess of letters.

Los Chivos de Hartford

In 2017, Minor League Baseball began a “Latino/a community outreach program” called the Copa de la Diversión with five teams who adopted alternate identities, hosted theme nights, and engaged in other activities meant to connect with and bring in Latino/a fans and potential fans. Given the prominence of Latino players in every level of professional baseball, it was both an empathetic and intelligent idea. Today, the initiative is now 94 teams strong.

Hartford and its surrounding suburbs boast a robust and active Latin community. Therefore, it only made sense to join the initiative as the team did in 2018, its third season overall and its second playing in Hartford. While some teams chose to alter their identity altogether, the Yard Goats took a more literal approach. They chose the name Los Chivos de Hartford, which directly translates to The Goats of Hartford.

The logo, a bleached goat skull complete with massive horns, calls to mind the sugar skulls of Dia de Los Muertos. It’s awesome, to be honest, even if the bleached skull look tends to feel a bit more Southwest, aesthetically speaking, than New England. The teal, white, gold, and black color scheme is quality as well.

That said, I like the Roberto Clemente Day interpretation of Los Chivos even more. The skull against the Pittsburgh Pirates borrowed colors is a tough (as in cool, not as in gonna win a street fight) look.

Hartford Schoolboys

This cap is a situation where the message is more important than the aesthetics. Taken simply as a hat, the SchoolBoys cap is fine. They chose a nice-looking shade of blue. The font for the H isn’t a disaster or anything. It is bland, though. It is a single unit of baseball cap.

The story behind the hat, however, is a great one. The SchoolBoys name isn’t a reference to literal children, but rather to Johnny “Schoolboy” Taylor. Raised in Hartford’s South End, Taylor was an incredible baseball player, a right-handed pitcher who once threw a no-hitter going against Satchel Paige.

However, Taylor was a Black man whose active playing years stretched from 1935-1945 (minus two years for WWII). Jackie Robinson didn’t break the color barrier until 1947. While Taylor did come back to play from the Hartford Chiefs in 1949, making him the team’s first Black player, the Chiefs were a single A squad. The Yard Goats playing under the name SchoolBoys as a tribute to Taylor less than a month after MLB finally began to recognize Negro Leagues stats in May of this year doesn’t change the past, but it still represents some effort to include Taylor. It also speaks to a team that is very aware of the history of the area and the sport.

So ok hat, very good symbol.

Hartford River Hogs

That’s right, without Hartford, this work of art wouldn’t exist. (Capitol Records)

When it comes to rivers, Hartford has a bit of a tortured history. Back in the 1960s, Hartford was cut off from the Connecticut River by the twin highways of 84 and 91. For those unfamiliar with Connecticut highway systems, you may know the 84 and 91 intersection as the star of the OK Computer album cover. Since I’ve been alive, the state has been attempting to fix that error with a decades-long project typically referred to as Riverfront Recapture.

However, there is a second river that calls Hartford home. These days, the smaller river is primarily underground. That’s why many, including plenty of Nutmeggers, might not be aware of it. Currently known as the Park River, it was sent underground in the 1940s due to it being fairly inconvenient and frequently gross and horrible smelling. Before being known as the Park River, it was called the Little River as it was smaller than its sister, the aforementioned Connecticut River. It would also come to be known for its role in transporting waste away from the businesses that sprang up on its banks during the turn of the century. Those names included the Mill River and, you guessed it, the Hog River. So this team name comes from the underground river spoiled by pig waste for years and years.

On to the hat itself, it’s pretty good. The logo is suitably fearsome what with its giant tusk and all. The baseball in the mouth is a nice touch and a subversion of the classic “pig with apple” look. The bucket hat is a touch of whimsy that I’m not sure we “need,” but I don’t hate it.

The black background is a good choice. I wish they used the Whalers’ blue and green again since the hog is green, wearing some sort of blue high collared shirt, and flashing one blue eye. On the other hand, I get wanting to distinguish it a bit from the standard with different shades of the same color.

One more thing I might’ve done, if I was in charge, was flip the logo and slightly alter it so it also read as a “C” as in Connecticut River Hogs. But that’s less a criticism and more wishcasting based, in part, on my misremembering which direction the pig was facing.

This was my fit for my recent trip to New Orleans. Hartford and the Big Easy may share very little, but this is one point of commonality. Both of their city planners could’ve done a better job vis a vis taking the rivers on their banks into account.

(Also, if anyone has a line on an adjustable adult New Orleans Zephyrs hat, let me know.)

Good hat. Not great. But very good.

They can’t all land. haHA. (Tim Stevens)

Hartford Whirly Birds

This one is a “great idea, poor execution” for me.

Like the Yard Goats, the Whirlybirds have a double meaning. It’s a fun animal mascot AND a reference to the state’s role in producing a lot of helicopters, as Connecticut is the home of Sikorsky. So, on that front, great idea, no notes.

After that, though, my positive notes drop. To start, I don’t think the red is a great choice. It doesn’t serve to make the grey-blue logo pop. The result is that the whole hat feels dulled, despite objectively being colorful with red, grey-blue, yellow, black, and white.

Speaking of the logo, it feels…familiar? I know it is unique to the hat, but if you close your eyes and picture a whacky bird head, you’d probably conjure up a very similar image. While that does mean it “reads” as what it is right away, it always makes it indistinct and forgettable. The addition of the helicopter hat on the bird is good, but making it a bit larger would’ve been a smarter design choice.

Everything here is close, but no cigar, unfortunately.

Should’ve worn this one to New Orleans considering its love of bounce. (Tim Stevens)

Hartford Bouncing Pickles

The Bouncing Pickles alt-identity is somewhat based on a misconception. In legend, Connecticut had a law against selling pickles that did not bounce. In reality, no such law ever existed. There was, however, a court case in Connecticut about the sale of pickles “inappropriate for human consumption.” In discussing the case, a Connecticut official from the state’s Food and Drug Commission commented that one way to test pickles for rottenness or lack thereof is to drop them and see if they bounced. The pickles in question were so rotten they just splatted on the ground. It, however, was not a formal ruling or law but rather a quick and easy test any citizen could run.

Still, cool idea for a team nickname.

This is the cap I’ve come around on the most. When I first saw it, I was rather disinterested. It was a three shades of green shrug. However, it has steadily grown on me since I saw it in person. The pogo-ing pickle logo is delightfully goofy even as its very red backwards hat makes me worry about who he might be voting for come November.

(I kid, of course. The Pickle is a cautionary tale of the need for food safety regulations. Have you seen what Project 2025 wants to do with those? No way does our bounding friend here care for that.)

And those three shades of green? They work. Like shockingly well.

Despite my earlier hesitance, it turns out to be one of my favorite stories behind the identity and one of my favorite caps. Weird, right?

Somehow I wrote the whole review without referencing the Fox series M.A.N.T.I.S. Well I did until I added this caption. (Tim Stevens)

Hartford Praying Mantis(es)

There’s some debate about how the team would pluralize mantis, hence the parenthetical es. I like mantis, but I am not an arbiter of the English language.

Anyway, this is an easy one. The Praying Mantis is Connecticut’s official insect. Some kids tried to change it this past year to either a butterfly or dragonfly, but that thankfully went nowhere. Don’t get me wrong, the students had solid reasoning. I just think praying mantis are cooler. What other reason does one need to elevate something to an utterly meaningless position than coolness?

Jonathan but for scary and the powerful Nessie camel. (UConn and Conn Departments of Athletics)

Anyhoo, it was unsuccessful. The Mantis’s close personal relationship with the Lord (that is what all the praying is about, yes?) paid off.

Not to spoil anything, but this is my favorite cap of the bunch. The colors work perfectly together. The Mantis’s face is serious. Intimidating even. All the rest of the caps have “fun” logos—except Los Chivos as skulls are scary—so it is fantastic to have a more classically “grrr” style logo on this one a la the Chicago Bull, the Minnesota Timberwolf, UConn’s new look Husky or, famously, the “Nessie” athletics logo version of the Connecticut College Camel.

An all-timer! (NHL)

A part of the design I especially like is the incorporation of the H into the Mantis’s head. It isn’t quite as good as the negative space H in the Whalers logo. However, that’s the absolute gold standard of sneaking in the city’s letter, so there’s zero shame in coming up second.

If I had my druthers, they’d do this yearly as they do with Los Chivos and the next entry on our list.

Favorite!

Never has a cheeseburger been less appealing. (MiLB)

Hartford Steamed Cheeseburgers

As legend has it, the hamburger was invented in Connecticut in 1900. Is this true? Well, like all good legends, that’s a bit hard to say. But the state was certainly an early adopter, even if it didn’t get there first.

More to the point, Connecticut boasts two unique cheeseburger styles they can almost certainly claim as their own. The first is the Bernice “winged” cheeseburger of the Shady Glen Dairy Restaurant in the Silk City, aka the City with Village Charm, aka Manchester, CT. It’s created by covering the burger in slices of cheese that go beyond the meat to melt and crisp on the grill. The result is the kind of thing you think, “well this could kill me, but what a way to go.”

For the purpose of this cap, though, the other unique cheeseburger is more critical. The steamed cheeseburger. Invented in Middletown and coming into favor in the 1930s, post the worst of the Great Depression, cooks forged the burgers in a special cabinet-like machine that can cook up to 12 of the five-ounce burgers at once. They are then basically poured onto a bun, juicy and gooey with cheese. Like the cheesesteaks of Philadelphia or the hot dogs of Chicago, there tends to be a lot of debate about where to get the best steamed cheeseburger. Anyone who tells you anywhere but Ted’s in Meriden is a liar and not to be trusted.

How do you get this so right and the hat so wrong. (Tim Stevens)

Now that you know the inspiration, let’s look at the hat.

It’s bad. Real bad. The colors are garish, and the H logo made from fries is weak. It is, if I may, totally Yuck Central.

Ironically, though, the shirt I have for this alternate identity is a personal favorite. I LOVE the “so mad he’s steamed” cheeseburger logo. The fact that he has a bite out of him that also looks like he’s making a fist is a wonder of character design. But that on a red or black hat—make the bill yellow if you must) and you’ve got yourself a great cap. Alas, they went with this monstrosity instead.

This one could be great, but it needs to ditch the “hat is a burger, you see” look and the fry H for the steaming mad cheeseburger logo on a solid-colored (or dual-colored) hat.

What’s Next?

Will the 2025 season bring a new alternate identity to What If? Night? I’m hopeful. Daddy needs his fix. (Oof, that one even made me kind of sick.) But what will Hartford go with? Surely, they’re running out of options?

The good news is, they aren’t. (And don’t call me Shirley.) Even if they only use almost-was choices, there are still plenty of options. Of those that remain, I’m here for the Blue Frogs or the Screech Owls. I love frogs, and I love Mark Twain, so those are two great tastes that taste great together. Screech Owls have no double meaning, but they are local to the area and birds of prey. Plus, you can get a pretty great logo out of either.

I’m less enamored of Hedgehogs or Hound Dogs. Alliteration is grand and all, but neither seems particularly representative of Hartford. Unless that bit about hedgehogs relating to insurance is a known thing I’m ignorant of.

The one I’m totally opposed to is Honey Badger. Thanks to the video clip, it was an animal of the moment, but that moment has set. And, again, Hartford has no honey badgers. Let’s not speak of this thankfully dodged error ever again.

The article I linked also suggested old teams from the early days, like the Dark Blues. I like the history of that, for sure, but I’m not as sure you can make that sing from a marketing/merchandising standpoint.

And if I may humbly toss in my own suggestion, perhaps the Emperors of Ice Cream? A reference to another local hero of letters (Wallace Stevens), a food item, and a super cool name, all in one! Imagine how awesome a well-designed Emperor of Ice Cream logo or mascot would look. Scary and regal, all in one. Let’s do this Hartford! Call me, I can help.