“Mean Spirits” by Silversun Pickups from Neck of the Woods

Dear Martha,

I’m sorry I am leaving you a note rather than saying good bye in person, but I think you’ll understand. I am not, shall we say, not…normal. Neither are you, of course. You are so much more than normal. So much more than I could ever express to you. I do hope, regardless of how you feel about me, you can feel that that much is true.

What happened last night was unacceptable. It was never my intention to expose you to any of that. To any of them. I understand that not intending to let you find out hardly excuses it, but I need to make it clear it was meant as a kind of ambush at all. It was an accident. It was me trying to be myself and the person I wished I could for you all at once. Inevitably that could never work. I see that now.

I can’t say exactly what I am, although I’m sure it is obvious to you, but I think we both understand I am not human. Not in the way the grocery store manager or your next door neighbor are. There are… human aspects of me and if you are concerned that somehow you fell in love with a, well, I’m not sure what you might label that other aspect. Monster? Demon? Anyway, I promise you did not fall in love with an abomination.

As for me, I confess, all of me fell in love with you. Human and other alike. And for one brief shining moment I thought I could make it all work. Be the man when you were around and when you weren’t…let my other side express itself a little.

I know now how dumb this was. But can you see why I allowed myself to buy into the ludicrous fantasy? How much I wanted it to be true? If I could, I swear, I’d be just the human side and I’d bury the other so deep it would never return. But I cannot and I won’t expose both to something like last night by deluding myself once more.

I adore you Marsha. I did from the moment I took this form and I will always. You will never see me again as, well, you just aren’t the kind of person who gets to see me. And while it breaks my heart to know that’s true, I’m also delighted I can reveal it to you. You, despite all your fears, are an undeniably good person and you have a seat of reward justly waiting for you down the line.

Please take care. In time, your memories of me will became hazy until they will feel like nothing more than a dream. I will remember you forever, but you…you will soon move beyond me. As it should be.

Thank you for making this heart, impossibly, feel love. Please take care and find the happiness you deserve.

-D