“Porcelain” by Moby from Play

Sleep Research and Emotion Study Needs Volunteers Age 18-40!

The Sleep Research for the Betterment of Humanity is seeking participants for a research study to examine of stimulating emotions, especially jealousy, anger, and distrust, via a chemical intervention. The study involves an intensive screening process, including a survey, blood test, and fitness evaluation, and being available to sleep in the Sleep Studies wing of Greenview Heights Hospital for 21 straight nights.

Selected participants will be asked to journal every morning about their dreams and every evening before bed about how those dreams have impacted their relationships to others. Participants should be prepared for unexpected mood swings, a rising feeling of being out of control, and possibly no longer recognizing oneself in mirrors and other reflective surfaces. A limited number of previous participants also reported these following side effects: paranoia, hair loss, rage, homicidal fantasies, inability to be intoxicated, becoming intoxicated off non-alcoholic beverages, weeping, weeping blood, weeping butter, the ability to fly but only about 3 inches above the ground, and a belief in the value of a strong central government.

Receive up to 500 dollars for completion of the study. Participants are allowed to discontinue their involvement in the study at any time and will still receive some portion of compensation. There will be no penalties, except for the knowledge that by quitting you have harmed science and made our collective future in small but significant ways.

Interested? Contact us at (212)-KLJ -5202

Location: Greenview Heights Hospital

Faculty members/Contacts: Dr. Martin Oberlin and Dr. Bethany Yellin

IRB expiration: 1/4/2016