January 8, 2013: Said I Loved You...But I Lied

Reader Suggested Song: “Said I Loved You But I Lied” by Bolton, Michael

Listen to it here

(Picture taken from http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk)

Dear Swami of Advice,

My boyfriend told me he loved me last night and I told him I loved him too. The problem is I don’t. It was just reflex or to stop the situation from being awkward, I guess. Now though, I feel terrible. I might love him someday. I can see it happening, he’s a great guy. But it’s really soon and I just think I’m a little less emotional than him.

What do I do now? Should I tell him the truth? Keep lying? I am very concerned here and I know that now he’s said it once he’s going to keep saying it. Please help, O’ Swami!


Messed Up

Dear Messed Up,

Have you bought my book yet? I bet that’d help.

Dear Swami,

Messed Up here again. I bought your book, but I’m just as stumped. Nothing you talk about it seems to apply. It helped me build a kick ass outdoor pizza oven though so thanks for that I guess.

Please can I have more relevant advice to my problem?


Messed Up

Dear Messed Up,

I know a guy who could “eliminate” the problem for you. Drop me a line with your info and I’ll get you his Paypal account address. Should be able to take care of it for a grand or so.


Eliminated? Like killed?! Are you kidding?! I want advice. I don’t want him dead. I am outraged!

Never Writing You or Reading Your Column Again,

Messed Up

Dear Messed Up,

You’re outraged?! How about me? Accusing me of helping you arrange a hit?! That’s so very insulting!

(Great idea! Totally establishing an alibi when it all goes down. You’re smart!)

Anyway, if you are serious, don’t you dare return my book! You used it to build an oven and it would be wrong, like stealing, to try to get your money back now.

Also, if you aren’t doing anything next week, wanna grab a drink at my place? You sound like a lot of fun. If you know what I mean

(I mean casual sex.)