Song: “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons from Night Visions

(Picture taken from http://www.mediawhack.com/MutantPulpit.html)

Scientists Continue to Reassure Residents Regarding Accident

Madawaska, ME—Scientists from several top international organizations once again reassured local residents that there was nothing to be concerned about, but that they were closely monitoring the situation.

This is the third such announcement in the six weeks since the government was forced to admit that an experiment in a secret based below the sleepy town had experienced a significant accident. Despite the seeming urgency of that initial announcement, the government has repeatedly refused to disclose the nature of the accident or encourage residents to receive medical assessment.

Meanwhile, chatrooms, Twitter, and Facebook have been flooded by people—residents, conspiracy theorists, and doomday scholars—who offer their own theories on what might’ve happened. The most reoccurring reports from those in town or close by are those involving sightings of large creatures that appear to be common woodland animals like chipmunks and squirrels but significantly large and “less cute.”

The government has insisted these sightings are inaccurate and that the accident in the secret lab below the town could not have created the creatures in question. Nonetheless, the reports continue at an alarming rate as do the disappearances of several citizens of the town, pets, and farm animals. No direct link between these events have been demonstrated but for conspiracy theorists like DOOMTroube6 on Twitter, the answer is obvious.

In a recent tweet, he exclaimed, “Obvious that radioactivity is mutating the population. Gov can’t hide it forever.”

Other unusual occurrences have plagued the typically quiet hamlet as of late as well, including the mayor spontaneously bursting into flames during a ribbon cutting ceremony and all the town’s children developing the ability to levitate. No connection to any of these happenings have been

confirmed or denied at this time.

Interview requests to several local, federal, and international agencies involved have not been returned as of publication.