CD Number: 10
Track Number: 26
Song: “You Blew Me Off” by Bare, Jr from Cruel Intentions (Picture taken from http://www.crane.com/)
I am Jake. I sit behind you in five of seven classes.
I would not be surprised if you do not even know who I am. You have treated me with such rudeness this past year that I can only imagine that you view me as little more than a wad of gum on your shoe. Annoying, kind of gross, but largely inconsequential and forgotten once gone.
While I have cataloged each offense you have visited upon me and could share them all with you, I will limit myself to but a few of the highlights.
- Repeatedly “forgot me” when distributing test sheets and pencils.
- Nicknamed me Greasy McFartstein. Yes, I had some acne at the time, but it’s gone now and I assure you it was Ryan that broke wind that day, not me.
- Shoved me out of the way during that fire drill we all thought was really a fire.
- Wore that low cut blue shirt, bent over a lot, then said, “I’m up here,” really rude-like to me.
- Did not share your birthday cupcakes or your Christmas Chex Mix with me. Shared it with everyone else.
- Volunteered me to help the creepy substitute got a projector from storage
- Hit an old tuna fish sandwich in my lunch bag
- Told everyone I got pink eye from letting Mrs. Hederson lick my eyes when we made out. I assure you Mrs. Hederson and I have never made out.
- I’m fairly certain you’ve been terrorizing my dog on your way home from school every day.
You have been unctuous to me. Rude, nasty, and casually cruel. You have picked on me without hesitation or remorse. You’ve delighted in the privileges being pretty have given you without any sense of what others might not have. I would not be surprised at all if you actually enjoy this letter as a reminder of some of your “best” work.
All that said, what are you doing two weeks from today? I was thinking we could grab a bite to eat and go to the end of year dance. I don’t know what your curfew is, but a bunch of people are going to diner after so that might be fun to do too.
Let me know,
P.S. I really liked your skirt today.
P.P.S. Also I know that you told Mr. Christie I cheated on the History test. I worked it all out with him, so don’t worry about that.
P.P.P.S. Your hair’s looked amazing lately too!
Reach out and touch me at firstname.lastname@example.org or @ungajje on the Twitter. Let me know what you love and what you hate. And please, do spread the word.