The 20 Reasons We Can’t Sleep Lately

1.) Sleep is for the weak

2.) Sleep is for closers only, I haven’t earned it yet

3.) Creeping sense of dread

4.) Recently became nocturnal do to supplements of bat DNA, still fixing my Circadian rhythm

5.) Communing with the spirits to increase my power, can only do that at midnight

6.) Dreadful sense of creeping

7.) Partner insists on talking to me in the evening. Every night.

8.) The thrum of the ancient machines call out to me

9.) Too lazy to get out of bed to turn off the light, can’t sleep with the light on

10.) Kids. Always the damn kids.

11.) Just gonna watch one more episode

12.) Amphetamines are not conducive to sleep and I’ll be damned if I’m going to stop taking amphetamines.

13.) That guy in the corner. Squint, you’ll see him.

14.) All the sex. So much sex.

15.) Do you know what’s happening in the world?!

16.) It waits for me in my dreams

17.) Can’t miss Sally’s call to plan our second date

18.) Someone is rearranging my furniture while I sleep, I just know it.

19.) The stars…they speak

20.) Insomnia, I guess?