The Tuesday List- [Blanks] of the Dead

While the latest monkey movie is getting all the attention (yes, I know apes are not monkeys, let's not do this), another movie opens this week, Granny of the Dead!

(Actually, technically speaking, several other movies open this week, but take this journey with me, please.)

It joins such other luminaries as Day of the, Night of the Living, Dawn of the, Diary of the, Shaun of the, Juan of the, Dance of the, Land, Flight, Garden, Survival Le6ion (not a typo!), Orgy, and so many many more.

I hate zombie fiction, but I do so love titling theme, so here are some "of the Dead" titles that have not yet be used (probably?) and what the movie would be about.

 Hey look! Cleavage-y Zombie Short Dressed Nurse, a costume that definitely needed to exist! (halloweencostumes.com)

Hey look! Cleavage-y Zombie Short Dressed Nurse, a costume that definitely needed to exist! (halloweencostumes.com)

Here Hollywood, Here's Some More Titles

1)      Party of the Dead- The Dead awaken! And all they want to do is party, party, party! Recently deceased party planner Michelle Flores wants this to be the talk of the town and the afterlife, but can’t seem to stop devouring people to focus enough to nail down a hall, nevermind choose a theme. Thank goodness, legendary designer Rafael Valez has also risen from his eternal sleep. Together, they are going to make sure their gathering has it all without losing their heads.

2)      Cemetery of the Dead- A documentary about a cemetery. Any cemetery. Just choose one.

3)      Support of the Dead- A group of zombies gather every week in the basement of a local church to discuss their non-lives, their relationships, their fears, and their addictions. It may be odd, but it works for them. What’s this though? The arrival of a cute new zombie, Alexandra, threatens group cohesion as both the group’s organizer Sally and her best friend Mike fall for the newly undead sweetheart.

4)      Nanny of the Dead- The flashing girl from Flushing, the nanny named Fran! But a zombie.

5)      Crisis of the Dead- It turns out after years shambling the Earth as godless flesh devourer monster, you still get something like a midlife crisis. Craig Huntington is starting his, stepping out on his mummy wife Rebecca to meet up with ghoul about town Gretchen, eating the owner of a sports car Craig lacks the motor skills or muscles to even drive, and hitting the gym to lose that last layer of flesh.

6)      Podcasts of the Dead- Everyone has one, why not best grave buddies Julius and Tara? But when their pod blows up bigger than they ever expected, how long until their fans realize they are not pop culture experts, but rather horrifying avatars of death?

7)      Malls of the Dead- Turns out Romero was wrong all along. People will abandon the malls and it won’t even take death to do it! Suck it Romero! Oh? Plot? A zombie family is looking for bathing suits on July 15th but of course there are none because why would a store carry bathing suits in the middle of summer. The family eats the very few patrons, mostly elderly walkers, that are in the mall, maybe split a pretzel.

8)      Talking Dead of the Dead- Even zombies have opinions about the Walking Dead tv series and they get together on this feedback show to talk about it. Mostly they complain that is kind of bland nihilism, populated by largely uninteresting characters, and lacking much narrative drive.

9)      Trial of the Dead- Zombies ate a lot of people. Here in Kentucky, that’s still a little something we call murder, you brain chompers. And don’t think your big city fancy lawyers gonna get you out of these charges. It’s Old Sparky for you!

10)   Starbucks of the Dead- It’s a coffeeshop run by and frequented by zombies. It’s like social commentary or whatever. Just film the damn thing, who cares. PLUS! Product placement