For no particular reason

Other Secrets of Comic Books Yet to Be Revealed!

Marvel has owned Batman for the past 15 years- For the life of them though, they can’t figure out how to use him so until they crack the code they’re going to let DC keep publishing his comics.

Stan Lee is Jack Kirby, Jack Kirby is Stan Lee- No one knows exactly when it happened but at some point in the 60s, the two giants of comics underwent a brain transfer process that was successful but the notes for which were immediately lost forever. The process proved very discombobulating for both and neither could successfully recall who was responsible for which characters or moments after just a year. Additionally, due to the vagaries of brain transfer, any ideas they had after the transfer might have been the other person’s. It is impossible to tell for sure.

Comic book companies are different than all other corporations- Their employees aren’t just numbers on a spreadsheet. HONEST!

Comics are just for kids- The industry has being paying the mainstream media (more like the LAMESTREAM MEDIA, am I right?) to run all those BIFF! BAM! POW! Stories to suggest otherwise is all and we ALL fall for it!

Bill Jemas is currently in charge of all of comics- ALL. OF. COMICS.

Tim Stevens is a monster comics talent- Unfortunately, his ideas have been judge too mind expanding and thus no comic company will publish any of his work lest they completely alter the status quo of the world. In 2009, Marvel briefly violated the treaty, allowing a text piece from Stevens to appear as back matter in GHOST RIDERS: HEAVEN’S ON FIRE #4. Within weeks, several countries announce an end to their recessions. It is determined this is proof positive of the power of Stevens’ words.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is the greatest comic book movie of all time- We all know it but for some reason only the truly woke among us are able to say it. For everyone else, when they try they just end up saying things like, “It was overly dark and ugly, Doomsday was an utterly unconvincing CGI effect, and the two main protagonists were little more than arrogant bullies.”

There is plenty of evidence to suggest that, in fact, also those white male fans are right and any and all characters who are not white men are bad and pandering- The comic companies just won’t admit it. Because white men are the most oppressed people or whatever.

One of the Big Two is actually good and the other is bad- Whichever one is your favorite? They are the good and virtuous and honorable and moral company. The other one? Evil and opportunistic! Keep your answers to yourself though, lest Jemas find out that you know the secret!

Grant Morrison never took off that fiction suit- It has been King Mob ever since.

This business never breaks your heart. Not even once.