Superman v. Batman: Dawn of Justice, Alternate Takes

With the dawning of DAWN OF JUSTICE, I can now reveal something to you that I've had exclusive access to. As everyone knows, one of the most famous lines in the trailer is Batman asking Superman, "Do you bleed?" and then quietly add, "You will." What most don't know is that several other versions of that scene exist that led to very different outcomes for the two titular heroes. With the embargo lifted, I can now share with you these alternate versions for the first time.

 "Eyes up here, Bruce!" (image from telegraph.uk)

"Eyes up here, Bruce!" (image from telegraph.uk)

Alternate line: Do you knead?

Result: Batman takes Superman to a cooking course in which they learn to make bread and then, for fun, the instructor teaches the duo how to throw pizza dough. The two end up inviting Wonder Woman over for a working dinner, enjoying a nice pesto pizza, some garlic bread, a bit of wine, and conversation about creating a team of super heroes.

Alternate line: Do you breed?

Result: In fact the Man of Steel has and, even better, he is perfectly happy to teach the Dark Knight all about animal husbandry. Combining their efforts, the icons help the local chapter of the Heifer Project.

Alternate line: Do you seed?

Result: The World's Finest make and maintain a rooftop all organic city garden. The carrots are delicious!

Alternate line: Do you weed?

Result: 420 time! The two bro out, split a whole mess of wings, and just, you know, talk, About politics, the nature of evil, Donnie Darko. You know, the important stuff.

Alternate line: Do you bead?

Result: The Bat and the Alien kick it camp style, making all kinds of friendship bracelets with colorful beads and passing them out to their friends. Aquaman plays it cool, but you can tell he's totally touched.

Alternate line: Do you lead?

Result: Don't you just love a parade? It turns out the Man of Tomorrow and the Caped Crusader sure do! Organizing a tribute to the real heroes, the men and women of our armed services, the two best of friends (they really are! honest!) hire some high school marching bands, make a few floats, and let the crowds gather. Batman and Superman take the front, showing off their baton skills.

Alternate line: Do you plead?

Result: In a shocking crossover, the Detective and the Last Son of Krypton join with Matt Murdock (you know, Daredevil) and help plead the case of a low-level criminal who's accused of a crime he did not commit. All parties learn important lessons about the nature of justice in the United States.