This is important and not filler!

Ranking Award Shows, An Incomplete List

12.) Grammys- You recognize Grey Lady Down, I’ll consider recognizing you!

11.) The Kid’s Choice Awards- Bought and paid for by the Koch Brothers. Am I right or am I right?

10.) MTV Video Music Awards- Eight artists still make music videos. Five of them aren’t Rihanna, Kanye West, or Taylor Swift and are therefore not worth talking about. Just make a show that’s those three talking about the issues of the day. Seriously. Do this now. I was joking at first, but this is the best.

9.) The Tony Awards- Keep theatre in the theatre!

8.) MTV Movie Awards- They just haven’t been very good lately, right? It has nothing to do with my age, thank you very much.

7.) Country Music Awards- Country music isn’t my thing, but I recognize it is a legitimate genre of music. People who don’t recognize that make this show.

6.) People’s Choice Awards- People are unreliable and given to panic. They should not be trusted.

5.) Critics’ Choice Awards- Critics are unreliable and given to panic. They should not be trusted.

4.) Golden Globes- Yes, this is the best idea. Celebrities with more money than you’ll ever seeing drinking for free and accepting awards while you sit at home. They’re literally rubbing your nose in it!

3.) The Nobel Prize- Peace is an admirable goal, right?

2.) Pulitzer Prize- All hail the power of the pen!

1.) The Oscars- The only award show that I participate in pools for. Thus, the best. Also there was that time I got nominated for Best Documentary Short.

Semi-related: This is a good dress. (photo from thehollywooreporter.com)