Drake’s Cakes are, truly, the most delicious snack cake’s line in the world. But which are best?
The Entirely Objectively Correct Ranking of Drake’s Cakes’ Current Offerings
12.) Cherry FruitPies- I don't like cherry pie so this is not ever going to be for me. I'd recommend just spooning sugar directly in your gob.
11.) Blueberry Mini Muffins- I am a man who does not like a fresh blueberry muffin so this isn’t gonna do it for me, no matter what. Sorry blueberry muffin fans.
10.) Apple FruitPies- Just not my thing. Too sweet. And like a trillion calories. But way, way better than Cherry.
9.) Honey Buns- The very definition of mediocre. If the good people at Cakes comma Drake’s are looking for something to drop from their line, this is the one I’d point them to because even though it’s not the worst, it’s, the steal an expression from the AV Club, the least essentially.
8.) Powdered DonutDelites- I am only going to say this once: why make small powdered donuts when you can make small cinnamon ones?
7.) Chocolate DonutDelites- Real talk, mass market mini chocolate donuts are the worst kind of chocolate donuts. That said, they remind me of Sunday morning at my mom’s house with the box of (maybe Pepperidge Farms?) full sized mass market chocolate donuts.
6.) Coffee Cake- First, the weakest name. You're the company that brought us the Devil Dog and the Ring Ding, Drake’s. Give us a fun name for that coffee cake, damn it.
Anyway, this is a fine snack. I don't like them as much as I used to, but that cinnamon crumble on top still brings the flavor.
5.) Chocolate Chip Mini Muffins- Lots of chocolate chips hide all manner of sin and this offering reflects that. Truth by told though, the base muffin is actually one of the moister (yeah, I said moister) Drake’s Cakes products.
4.) Devil Dogs- Dry. Very dry.
Yes, I already hear you. If it's dry, why is it so high? Well slow down, because I'm about to tell you the key. The Devil Dog is dry, but what's this? Oh, snap! It's a glass of milk. BOOM!
Devil Dog plus glass of milk? Wildly delicious.
3.) Yodels and 2.) Ring Dings- I am putting these two together because they are basically the same product and I can’t discuss one without the other and vice versa. First, let’s all just acknowledge that Yodels have the cooler shape even though Ring Dings let your pretend like you are so tough you can bite into a hockey puck.
Taste wise, they are both chocolate and cream done better than any of Little Debbie’s pathetic attempts. You heard me Deb! I give an edge to the Ring Dings though because I think their chocolate to cream ratio is just a bit better.
Finally, name. Yodels and Ring Dings both have good snack cake names, but once more, Ring Dings get the nod for the rhyme and the fact that their name is a purely made up thing as opposed to Yodel which is a real thing outside of the snack cake game.
1.) Funny Bones- Chocolate and peanut butter together. In perfect ratio. It's back! And it's #1.
The most beautiful sight in the world. (image from drakescakesonline.com)