April Fools Day Suggestions #97

April Fools Day is a hard holiday to get just right. You want to be part of it, of course, but how? What's a good fresh gag that people can love? How can you stand out from the pack? As always, we're here to help with this insightful series.

#97: The Taken

Select a co-worker you know has no children. Call him or her from a burner cell phone and disguise your voice as gruff and menacing. Tell them you have their child and are prepared to torture the kid unless they do exactly as you say. Every time they object, stress that the child’s blood will be on their hands if they refuse to play along, do not engage the idea that they are childless. This will make it funnier.

Put them through a series of increasingly dangerous or ridiculous of dangericulous tasks. Take time to describe “their child” to them. Make the kid super cute. Again, it’s funnier.

At the end of the day, “kill” the kid anyway, regardless of whether they did everything or not. As you walk past them blubbering, rocking, and attempting desperately to self soothe, throw them the cell phone and voice modulator while shouting in a delightful voice, “April Fools Day!”

Tip: Stress they shouldn’t involve the cops. This is a prank, no need to take precious time away from the real heroes of our world, you know?