April Fools Day is a hard holiday to get just right. You want to be part of it, of course, but how? What's a good fresh gag that people can love? How can you stand out from the pack? As always, we're here to help with this insightful series.
#42: Fortune 500 Laughs
You can begin this one whenever, but for synergistic purposes, we suggest April 1.
Build a massive corporation from the ground up. Initially be innovative, great to your employees, and committed to bringing great products to market in an environmentally and worker responsible manner.
Slowly “become evil.” Move productive to glorified sweatshops overseas. Cancel the pension program, raid those pensions that have been grandfathered in. Inflate stock prices with misleading information. Demand your employees work harder for less. Lobby the government to ensure you can operate in any manner you see fit. Poison the drinking water. Blow corporate money on weekends of sex and drug fueled debauchery.
Approximately 5 years later, on April 1, dissolve the company. Release a press statement reading only “April Fools Day!” Imagine how funny all those people who just lost their jobs will find your longform April Fools Day joke while you count all the money you made from some island stronghold without extradition treaties.