By: Tim Stevens
Song: Dance, Dance
Artist: Fall Out Boy
Album: From Under the Cork Tree
(Picture taken from wisewordsfromadecentman.wordpress.com)
Simon breathed in, face buried in Geena’s hair, allowing himself a moment of to wrap his senses in her. Then, bringing forth what courage he could manage, he pulled back and spoke.
“Soooo,” he began, tongue suddenly thick in his rapidly drying mouth. “Can we talk about us?”
“Umm…is there something to talk about?” Geena asked hesitantly, twisting around to face Simon. Feeling the cool rush in now that she wasn’t pressed against his flush bare skin, she pulled the blanket over her naked back and tried to burrow in while still maintaining eye contact and some kind of dignity.
“I think so. I hope so. It’s just…we’ve been at this for a little while now—”
“Yes, your stamina is impressive,” she teased.
He smirked back at her and offered a quick deep kissing before returning to the script he had running in his head, “I mean fooling around. So I was thinking, we’re adults, 45 year olds maybe it’s—”
She brought him up short with a clearing of her throat and a shake of her head.
“Sorry. I’m 45, your 42. In any case, we’re adults in our 40’s. We still have plenty of time in our lives—if all goes according to actuarial tables anyway—but not as much as we did in our twenties. So maybe it’s time to get…to get serious?”
Geena sighed deeply, much more deeply than she intended, and immediately felt bad for it. Annoyance followed shortly after that. This was not what this was supposed to be about for her. This was not fun.
“I thought the whole point of this was to be casual,” she pointed out.
“Sure. Maybe it was a year ago. But, you know, that was a year ago.”
“I just don’t want complicated—”
“What’s not complicated about this? The part where we perform scheduling Tetris to find a way to do this without our kids or friends catching us? The part where we pretend we haven’t seen each other in awhile when we run into each other at the grocery store even though I can still taste you from earlier that day?”
“Are you getting bored with this?”
“What? No. No! I love having sex with you. I love eating pizza and watching TV in bed here and then having sex again. But I’d also like to go out occasionally in the light of day. Take a walk, go to dinner, let you meet my kids.”
“I know your kids. They go to school with mine, remember?”
“Yes, but you know what I mean. Let our kids know we’re dating.”
“But we’re not.”
Simon paused for a moment, running his hand through his hair. He wasn’t exactly surprised by Geena’s resistance, but he was still disappointed. Part of him was hoping that she was just as anxious to move…this forward a bit and that she was just waiting for him to bring it up. He knew she wasn’t, but it was a nice dream to have.
“Please,” he finally managed, “I know mutual sympathy sex. I remember mutual sympathy sex. I sad fucked my way through two years of college after my girlfriend cheated on me. I sad fucked people for months after Karen and I got divorced. This isn’t that. This isn’t sympathy in the key of losing ourselves in physical sensation. This is sex between two people who like and enjoy each other. All I’m suggesting is we enjoy ourselves more often with less hiding.”
Geena swallowed hard, a lump manifesting quite suddenly in her throat. Simon’s unadulterated earnestness was affecting her despite herself.
“I…I met Derek when I was 23 and we married a year later,” she began. “I was married to him for 17 years and then he decided one day that we weren’t in love anymore. Decided for both of us. I like you, I like us, Simon, I honestly do. But I can’t go through that again.”
“I guess it is a good thing I’m not talking about us getting married then, huh?”
“Geena,” he said, shortly, cutting her off.
He continued, softening. “ I just wanted to talk. We talked. We can table it for now. There’s going to be a time eventually I’m going to want to do more than talk but for today…I’m good. I did what I needed to do.”
“So, I can think about it?”
“I’d like that, yes,” Simon replied. “Please do.”
Geena nodded and laid her head on his chest. She could hear his heart thump in his chest and allowed herself a moment of pride that it was still accelerated. It was nice to know a man could and would still work up a sweat and elevate a heart rate having sex with her.
“Thank you,” she whisper in a small voice, kissing his chest.
He nodded, keeping his teeth clenched in disappointment, a meaningless gesture as Geena could neither see his head movements nor the feelings he was suppressing. Leaving one arm lightly on her back, he reached for his cell phone with the other, setting the alarm in case he dozed off. Silence filled the room til it dripped down the walls, fuzzed out the available light, and rested on the foot of the bed. Simon allowed himself a moment of fantasy, of imagining it all working out, as talisman against the stillness. He hoped things were not over while understanding this was almost certainly the moment where the end began.