Song: “Caught in the Middle” by Paramore from AFTER LAUGHTER

Dear Diary,

I graduated today. So that’s cool. I guess.

It is right?

I ask because it kind of doesn’t feel like it.

Like I did the thing but all it means is that I need to do more things. College, work, marriage, kids, whatever. Death.

So. There’s that.

I know I should be excited. Or proud. Feel accomplished. Relieved. All of it. I should. I get that.

But instead I’m writing this now rather than going to Katie Green’s party and thinking about what a relief it will be to retire at 65 if that’s even a thing that can happen by the time I’m 65.

So, yeah, I graduated. But does that even mean anything? I was going to leave high school one way or another, right? This is the most preferable way, I suppose, but it doesn’t seem like all that great a deal.

In some ways it’s a lousy one. Like graduating means all those mistakes I made I definitely can’t fix now. Definitely can’t have sex and still be in high school anymore. Can’t apologize to Reggie for that thing I said in English. Won’t be Captain of the swim team.

I mean, I guess I could still apologize to Reggie but it kind of feels like that moment has passed now. Plus, when am I even going to see him. We don’t hang out and we have like no friends in common. So that kind of means I blew that.

I don’t really want more high school though. I like it well enough I guess but it wasn’t my favorite place on Earth. I’m not going to be one of those people that pretend high school was so hard for me and thank God it’s over but I’m also not going to be the guy who says, and means, “high school was the best time of my life.”

So yeah I graduated today. Great. More venues to disappoint and be disappointed by. Whee!