January 27, 2016- Rollercoaster

“Rollercoaster” by Bleachers from Strange Desires

Listen to it here

Billy and Clarissa sit, visibly exhausted, at a small restaurant booth.

BILLY (rubbing his face, speaking muffled through them)

So that’s…damn…that’s how many?

The camera pulls back slowly, showing us that the two have a generous splattering of blood on their skin and clothes

CLARISSA (smirking sleepily)

I left the log in the car. But a lot. Like a lot a lot.

The camera continues to move backward, revealing the restaurant is littered with bodies. The only sound is a someone clattering the kitchen and the whirr of an overhead fan.

BILLY (somewhat anguished)

Do you think, maybe…maybe it’s enough?

CLARISSA (dabbing at some blood on her neck, smiling)

I do not. You know why?

BILLY (sighing)

They’re not all dead?

CLARRISA slaps the table and points as though to say “bingo!”


They’re not all dead!

A chef stumbles into the sitting area from the kitchen. She is almost panicked, carrying a tray with several dishes on it.

CHEF GAIL (presenting it)

As requested, our tasting menu. Times two.

CLARISSA (addressing CHEF GAIL as she begins to place the dishes down)

Now, Gail, do you have any recommendation on how we should eat these?

CHEF GAIL (blanching)

Umm…well…mostly fork. A spoon could work for some, I suppose.

CLARISSA lets loose a peel of laughter. BILLY groans and drops his head to the table.



No, Gail, what I mean is, do you have any recommendations about the order we should eat these in?

CHEF GAIL (now blushing and giggling with embarrassment)

Oh! Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. I have arranged them in the recommended order, from left to right. But what I usually suggest is that you eat half of each plate in that order and then mix up the order the second time around. Combine some flavors, that sort of thing.

CLARISSA (placing a blood soaked hand on CHEF GAIL’s arm in a gesture of friendship)

I love it! I knew you were worth saving Gail. What a sense of fun you have! So, the cake?

CHEF GAIL (now very nervous again)

In the oven still.

CLARISSA (nodding)

And we can hear the timer from here?

CHEF GAIL nods rapidly.


Wonderful! You are just the best, dearie! So, we’re going to let you go now. Do you remember what I said the rules were?

CHEF GAIL (speaking rapidly)

Go right home. Do not speak to anyone, see anyone, email anyone. Call the police in the morning, say I hid all night, saw nothing.



CHEF GAIL (near tears)

You’ll find me and murder me. And my family.

CLARISSA (delighted)

Oh my god, I am so happy with you. If it was up to me, we’d totally take you home tonight! But wouldn’t you know it, I’m with the one guy on earth who isn’t into that sort of thing.

Rolls her eyes dramatically

Oh well. If I have to be monogamous to keep this stud, I guess I will.

BILLY (groaning, face still on table)



Right, right, right. Sorry! Gail, run on home. Loved, loved, loved meeting you!

CHEF GAIL, as directed, run from the restaurant.

CLARISSA (after watching her go, then turning back)

She. Was. Great! We are definitely revisiting the question of threesomes in the new year sir.

BILLY (sitting up)


CLARISSA (waving him off)

Just to talk about! Just…leave yourself open to the idea that you might change your mind. I mean, remember how you felt about us spree killing our way through the crime family that murdered your sister? And look how much fun we’re having!

Someone groans off camera. BILLY snaps a gun off the bench seat next to him and fires off a few rounds while CLARISSA snaps a knife out from behind her back and throws it in the same direction. Both sit quietly, breathing heavy for a moment. The buzzer screeches in the opposite side of off-screen.

CLARISSA (squeeling)


Billy nods, stands and walks toward the kitchen, the camera following him. He grabs a pair of towels next to the register, gingerly steps off a body, and disappears. The camera slowly returns to a hungrily but politely eating CLARISSA as the buzzer turns off.