Since Sanofi has officially pointed out that there is no record of their medication Ambien causing racism, Roseanne finds herself without an excuse for her disgusting Twitter behavior. I’m a giver though, so here are some other excuses she might consider.

1.) I’m not allowed to spew bizarre conspiracies via Twitter if I don’t also make at least one racist tweet a week.

2.) I haven’t been the version of myself that you feel in love with for more than two decades. This is kinda more on you than me.

3.) The President of the United States does it. I thought that meant it was ok again.

4.) I meant Valerie Plame? Does that make this all ok?

5.) Despite being a multimillionaire I still oddly subscribe to the notion that I am somehow oppressed by the world around me. My tweet was a letting out of my existential rage at a world that I’m sure is organized against me despite my tremendous wealth and success.

6.) I was…hacked? Is that still a thing?

7.) People have been saying mean stuff about my appearance for years. I thought we were just doing the dozens.

8.) I’m unfamiliar with this racism you speak of. What is it?

9.) The concept of human kindness has become so antithetical to the conservative movement, especially over the past 30 years that has contributed to a regressive attitude towards the way we talk about people in outgroups. Ugly attitudes have been repeatedly empowered by a party that would rather win then effectively govern and will only condemn hideous actions by their base when they absolutely have no other choice. As a result, those will terrible opinions feel increasingly safe voicing them. Add in a news channel that seems singularly devoted to demonizing those across the aisle and justifying the actions of their “teammates” no matter how outlandish the excuse or big the lie to cover it up. Finally, fellow Boomers like myself are realizing that we truly are mortal and rather than respond with wisdom, we have attempted to drag society back to a mythic era in U.S. history where we have come to accept we could be as awful as we wanted about racial, sexual, and religious minorities and be not only safe from criticism but frequently applauded for it. So, you know, all that.

10.) I’ve been lowkey (and I mean just barely lowkey...midkey really) racist for awhile and I still got this plum new gig. I felt bulletproof.