The wildly anticipated INHUMANS pilot opens in theatres in IMAX this Friday and the world has taken notice. But maybe you are thinking, “It’s just gonnabe on TV in a few weeks. I don’t really need to see it now.” And boy, is that a dumb thought right there!
I know what you are thinking. “Tim, how can you call me dumb in the lede?! That’s mean and seems counterproductive.” To which I say, “Whatever. I already got your clicks!” And then maybe you cry a little. I feel bad, I apologize. We hug. Then we kiss. Things get weird.
Your next question though is, “Ok, fine, your kiss was so gentle and lovely, I’ll listen to your ideas. Why shouldn’t I wait for INHUMANS to reach TV?” And I’ll say, “You don’t want to be the one coworker, classmate, of fellow stay-at-home parent doing yoga in that group you go to on Mondays not talking about INHUMANS do you? You don’t want to be the one who say, ‘Oh, I just spent time with my friends, family, spouse, lover, partner, etc.’ because I promise you, they are going to LAUGh. And when your friends, family, spouse, lover, partner, etc. find out you didn’t suggest INHUMANS to them, oh the row you two will have!”
And then you’ll probably say—because, as noted above, so very dumb—“Ok Tim, I hear you but I still need more.” That’s when I’ll sigh and say, “Fine. Read this damn list of reasons then.”
[Note: This content is neither paid for by orendorsed by Marvel or any company related to Marvel. This is all me and my passion on the screen]
1. While unconfirmed, reports have it that a blind man was given the power to see and a woman who was living in a “locked in” state were given the ability to see and to move, talk, and interact once again following their attendance at a screening.
2. Black Bolt cannot speak or his voice will destroy, maim, and kill. Finally a man who knows to keep his mouth shut. Am I right ladies, roughly 10% of the male population who is sexually and romantically attracted to men? [Note: before I edited this I had written “attracted to me” instead of “men.” I honestly do not believe ALL women are attracted to me. I do think about 10% of men are though. That’s just science.]
3. For every person who attends an IMAX screening of INHUMANS, one more DC movie bro will be forced to admit that maybe, possibly, critics really did not like BvS: DAWN OF JUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! andwere not actually on the Marvel payroll.
4. It is complicated and I don’t confess to understand how or why it works but every ticket bought for INHUMANS results in WONDER WOMAN making 5 more dollars in domestic gross. Did you all see WONDER WOMAN?! That was good flicks, y’all.
5. A longitudinal study has shown that everyone who watches INHUMANS in IMAX experiences increased metabolism and a faster rate of muscle growth.
6. Medusa’s hair is real. That’s not CGI, that’s 100% actually what SerindaSwan can do with her hair. So think about that when you are all “CGI so bad!”
7. Until you see it there is no way you can know for sure that there isn’tan 18 and a half minute clip of the next AVENGERS movie after the credits. And can you afford to take that risk?
8. You finally want your Dad to be proud of you, don’t you? Well, here’s how, guaranteed! What? Your father has passed on? Oh, so sorry. But a spectral vision of him will materialize in the theatre as the lights go up and he will give you a thumbsup. And maybe even a high five.
9. The meaning of life is revealed at minute 22. It will astound AND comfort.