The Tuesday List (on a Thursday)- The Mascots of MLB

The Tuesday List got bumped to today because of Throwback Thursday moving to Tuesday this week. Just so you know.

Summer is here! And summer means the Boys of Summer… baseball players! And where baseball players go, mascots are sure to follow.

Plus, the recent railroading of Mr. Met demands we raise the mascot profile so that injustice is not ignored.

The Definitive Scientific Rankings of the Mascots of Major League Baseball

 What the hell are you so proud of?! (peachy92.com)

What the hell are you so proud of?! (peachy92.com)

28.) Braves- Homer the Brave- He’s a Mister Met knock-off created years later. Boo. And his name is a pun? The worst!

 "If we all do it, they can't sue us all!" (lifetimetopps.com)

"If we all do it, they can't sue us all!" (lifetimetopps.com)

27.) Reds- Rosie Red, Mr. Redlegs, Mr. Red- They’re all Mr. Met knock-offs. They only rise a rank for the sheer audacity of introducing a family of them.

 "Hey! What's up? I'm garbage!" (caughtinsouthie.com)

"Hey! What's up? I'm garbage!" (caughtinsouthie.com)

26.) Red Sox- Wally the Green Monster- Hated by Boston fans themselves! Can’t put a mascot high on the list that is loathed by the fanbase.

 "My favorite color? Definitely beige!" (wikiwand.com)

"My favorite color? Definitely beige!" (wikiwand.com)

25.) Brewers- Bernie Brewer- He’s, well, he’s not very interesting, is he?

 "Why, why, why? What god would create a monstrosity such as me?!" (flickr.com)

"Why, why, why? What god would create a monstrosity such as me?!" (flickr.com)

24.) White Sox- Southpaw- As “monster” mascots go, this one is the worst. Looks kind of like the suit was pulled from the trash moments before the game.

 You better be wearing a helmet, you damn bird. (pinterest.com)

You better be wearing a helmet, you damn bird. (pinterest.com)

23.) Pirates- Pirate Parrot- You are the Pirates! Use that! Yes, I get it, parrot, pirate, whatever. A pirate would be a cooler choice and this is one lousy looking bird on top of it all.

22.) Astros- Orbit- Orbit is just Orbitty all grown up and repainted. You can’t fool me.

 Orbit as he is today, Orbit as Orbitty, the past he doesn't want you to know about. But what is he trying to hide?!

Orbit as he is today, Orbit as Orbitty, the past he doesn't want you to know about. But what is he trying to hide?!

Also, what’s with the getting naked thing Orbit?

 Raymond prepares for life when the Rays finally realizes he's terrible by busking on the streets during the off-season. (tbo.com)

Raymond prepares for life when the Rays finally realizes he's terrible by busking on the streets during the off-season. (tbo.com)

21.) Rays- Raymond- I…I just don’t what here. I want to like it, but…I can’t. Also, a Devil Ray (yeah, you heard me, DEVIL Ray) in mascot form would’ve been unique and dope AF.

 "Fred! Oh come on Fred! Sit down! I swear, one dip in the beer bath and he gets like this...every darn time." (sportingnews.com)

"Fred! Oh come on Fred! Sit down! I swear, one dip in the beer bath and he gets like this...every darn time." (sportingnews.com)

20.) Cardinals- Fredbird- With such great fans (he said, voice dripping with vitriolic sarcasm) surely y’all could’ve managed a better looking bird. And “Fred”? What’s that nonsense?

 There's no way that horse has the guts to eat that boy. If it did, well then, maybe the Rangers' mascot would be ranked a little higher. (sportsbrat.com)

There's no way that horse has the guts to eat that boy. If it did, well then, maybe the Rangers' mascot would be ranked a little higher. (sportsbrat.com)

19.) Rangers- Rangers Captain- There’s just something…off about this horse.

 Stare into the cold dead eyes of mediocrity. (fan-interference.com)

Stare into the cold dead eyes of mediocrity. (fan-interference.com)

18.) Twins- T.C. Bear- All hail the blandest of the bland! Given how great everything else is about baseball in MN (the awesome stadium, the beautiful field, my (step)father-in-law singing the National Anthem), T.C. is one great big hunk of blah.

 "I'm not great but have you seen the other Reds' mascots? Yeah, case closed."(roundingthird.net)

"I'm not great but have you seen the other Reds' mascots? Yeah, case closed."(roundingthird.net)

17.) Reds- Gapper- Kind of a cousin to the Phanatic I guess. I’m probably marking it up a bit because it is better than the rest of those copycat mascots the Reds have.

 Pointing is rude, dude. (wikipedia.com)

Pointing is rude, dude. (wikipedia.com)

16.) Diamondbacks- D. Baxter the Bobcat- Just pretty ok.

 He must be murder on the grounds. (wikipedia.com)

He must be murder on the grounds. (wikipedia.com)

15.) Athletics- Stomper- This sure is an elephant.

 I've...got no idea. (si.com)

I've...got no idea. (si.com)

14.) Indians- Slider- I love that they didn’t just go racist with their mascot. I like that this thing is weird. I just wish it was something besides weird.

 Do better Sluggerrr. Or betterrr as you'd put it. (chicagotribune.com)

Do better Sluggerrr. Or betterrr as you'd put it. (chicagotribune.com)

13.) Royals- Sluggerrr- Should be higher but the 3 “r’s” at the end of his name are phenomenally stupid.

 Lou Seal will bust you in the mouth. (si.com)

Lou Seal will bust you in the mouth. (si.com)

12.) Giants- Lou Seal- It doesn’t really look much like a seal. But it does swear its World Series rings around and that’s pretty damn baller.

 Yep. A tiger. (photosbynanci.com)

Yep. A tiger. (photosbynanci.com)

11.) Tigers- Paws- A tiger. But like, a really good tiger. I like it.

 His pupils never dilate. (sporcle.com)

His pupils never dilate. (sporcle.com)

10.) Nationals- Screech- This eagle looks like he has seen some stuff. I like that in a mascot.

 The Oriole Bird, pictured with his child brides, I guess. (pennlive.com)

The Oriole Bird, pictured with his child brides, I guess. (pennlive.com)

9.) Orioles- The Oriole- SO happy to be here! Good for you Oriole. Now Baltimore? Maybe give the poor bird a name?

 Clark devoured her moments later. Because he is a bear. (chicagotribune.com)

Clark devoured her moments later. Because he is a bear. (chicagotribune.com)

8.) Cubs- Clark- A pleasingly cartoonish looking mascot. I feel safe around him.

 "Hey. I'm here to steal your girl." (pinterest.com)

"Hey. I'm here to steal your girl." (pinterest.com)

7.) Billy the Marlin- Marlins- I love the colors and Billy is so delightfully dopey looking.

 Whatever Moose, anybody can do that. (twitter.com)

Whatever Moose, anybody can do that. (twitter.com)

6.) Mariners- Mariner Moose- A moose has nothing to do with being a mariner, this is true. But is a great left field (NO PUN!) choice and the costume is just excellent. He’s also one of the few MLB mascots who behaves more like an NBA one.

 The Swinging Friar is a FREAK y'all (zimbio.com)

The Swinging Friar is a FREAK y'all (zimbio.com)

5.) Padres- Swinging Friar- So weird. So uninspiring. So excellent.

 Ace refuses to be photographed with anything but a fishbowl lens. (tailgatefan.cbslocal.com)

Ace refuses to be photographed with anything but a fishbowl lens. (tailgatefan.cbslocal.com)

4.) Blue Jays- Ace- Best bird!

 Digger will shoot you in the face. (nesn.com)

Digger will shoot you in the face. (nesn.com)

3.) Rockies- Dinger- He’s a dinosaur folks!

 One of the five good things out of Philly (pennlive.com)

One of the five good things out of Philly (pennlive.com)

2.) Phillies- The Phillies Phanatic- Look, Philly is a garbage city full of battery throwers ( I actually quite like Philadelphia, but gotta play with the rivalry, you understand). That said? They give great mascot. An institution!

 Hate on haters. (si.com)

Hate on haters. (si.com)

1.) Mets- Mr. And Mrs. Met- The OGs. The GOATs. You know it. I know it. The American people know it.